In that vain, I thought I would take a moment to give some perspective to trying to raise a daughter as divorced Dad. My daughter is 12, a great kid and I adore her. Always have... When she was 5, I made a decision to leave her mother and get a divorce. The marriage was broke, and I had stayed in it longer that I should of because I knew as a father, my leaving meant that my time with her would go from every night to every other weekend. Through counseling, much soul searching and the prayers and help of family and friends, I made the choice and I am glad I did. I have been blessed to now be married to a lovely woman who is an incredible person who I truly enjoy being with. My wife and I have a great respect for each other and constantly work on our relationship as well as parenting.
Where I struggle is watching my daughter grow and morph into a young woman... and as I watch her struggles in life, I often beat myself up thinking her life would probably have been so much easier had I not made the decisions I did. On the flip side, what would I have taught her about relationships, love, marriage and respect had I stayed? I dwell on these thoughts as I strive to set examples on what a relationship should be like and how a married couple should be. I can only pray that her life is filled with love and happiness and she won't have to deal with the heartbreak I have had to. As a father, it is my nature to want to protect my little girl and be there for her... but I also know, just as that day I choose to leave, I have to let her live her life, pray she makes wise decisions, and pick her up and support her when she doesn't.
For anyone that has gone through a divorce, I am sure you can relate. My best advice is to love your kids and put them first.... Regardless of how things work with the ex-spouse. Never put the kids in the middle, never leave them out and never stop being a role model and parent. As my daughter is with me, they are always watching to see how you react, how you live and how you love.
4 comments:
I can't imagine how hard those decisions are to make for yourself and your child. Hopefully I won't ever have to relate. I do think that most of us just do the best we can and hope for the best.
It is very difficult to resolve as a divorced parent that the best choice for our life my leave our child with the raw end of the stick. For me, I feel like no end of the tale of my oldest daughter's father and I would have been what I thought was best for her. Looking back, I feel like she was damned from the get-go.
It's a process, I think. Both for the parent who is divorced and for the kid. Do you agree?
I do agree... and I think you just do your best and give them love, support and guidance. But it is a natural struggle as a parent.
As a product of divorce, the good news is that we turn out just fine :) Is it always easy, no, but life isn't easy in any circumstances - it isn't supposed to be. I was loved by both my parents, they never put us in the middle, they role modeled friendship, forgiveness, and love every day of their married and divorced lives - sometimes the divorce allows every one to be their best selves.
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