As the mom of twins and as the mom of two sets of twins, I am fascinated with the twin bond. Their unique closeness is outstanding, something to be celebrated. While each one of my children (just like singletons) is unique and their own person, they are also part of a special entity at such an early age.
I never refer to them as "the twins" and while they share a birthday celebration they get their own cake and are never given one gift to share. They have always shared a room and when they say, "Mom, we want our own room" they will get one. I will keep them in the same classroom until they tell me otherwise or it becomes detrimental to their learning. My older kids rarely choose to go somewhere without the other, which I find endearing. When they are away alone they are always thinking/talking about the other.
It surprises me when we constantly have people telling us "they should be separated more" "they should be in different classes" "they should have separate rooms" After my initail shock, I wonder why? why does it bother them so much? How are they a twin expert? While these are the responses I should give, I usually either give a half smile and walk away or say "when you have twins, you can separate them as you'd like"
How would you handle this situation?
6 comments:
I firmly believe each parent knows how best to parent their children. Some parents of twins know that they will do better in school separated. Others know they will do better together. I think it depends on the kids! (As it does with all kids!)
I am the mom of twins. I have 6 kids total, the youngest are the twins. They are only 15 months old right now. I see their bond while they sleep, in the same crib still, more than anywhere else. Of coarse they aren't very talkative (at least in an English dialect) yet so I am hoping that will change as they grow. When they go upstairs to the "kid floor" they'll be seperated into boy and girl rooms. However, we'll have the gates set up so that if one wants to go and sleep with the other, that will be perfectly allowable to do. As it is, my older kids do that so I see no reason to change it around for these two. When they were small, they were "The Twins" to everyone. Now they are Jack Jack and Sweet Pea/Squeaker/Abbey go gabby. I know that as they get older they will be seen more as individuals, and I hope that they embrace their uniqueness. I also hope that they don't push their twin away as a way to reinforce their individuality. As to how to handle the questions, I always look at them and say "Why? Do you feel I can't encourage them to be unique individuals while fostering the very different relationship of having shared the same womb and being born within minutes of each other?" That usually shuts them up, and I smile and walk away.
heather, i agree. parents do know best. i have two good friends each with a set of twins and their kids are separated in class and rooms. The funny thing is they have never once said anything to me about separating my kids.
it's not really about twins (only because i have them) but it's about others (be it family or stangers) knowing what you SHOULD do for your child.
Serial Mommy - wow! 6! amazing. I am in awe that they can still sleep in the same crib. So cool. Their is such a bond that is indescribable. 15 months is so fun, that is how old my youngests are. I love your response and can't wait to try it.
With how our upstairs is laid out, there is a landing at the top of the stairs where the three main rooms lead off of it. Girls' room to the right, boys' room to the left, and play room straight ahead. When Izzy, he's now 4, went upstairs at about 18-20 months old we put a gate in the boys' room doorway so he wouldn't climb out of bed and fall down the stairs in the dark. I figure that what we'll do with the twins is put a gate in front of the stairs (I think I'll get one that screws in to the wall and has a door in it so the older kids aren't trying to climb over it) and then one in the playroom door. This will allow Jack and Abbey to go to each other's room if they want and I don't need to worry about them falling down the stairs or setting up camp in the playroom.
I wanted to add that I haven't had any input from outsiders as to what to do or how I'm supposed to treat The Twins. I think that is more because our extended family knows that I'm going to do it my way and it's wasted breath. We also homeschool (with the exception of Katy who is almost 13, and Izzy, who is autistic and goes to a specialized program) so we don't have the decision of whether to seperate them or not. Personally, I'd think they'd be better off not seperated. I figured out when they were just hours old that they slept better when they were together, it seems that they do things better that way so why change it up on them.
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