The bluffs did it for me

The bluffs did it for me. We came from desert and dried up riverbanks to powerful limestone banking the sides of spring fed streams. A classic case of desert versus water. We lapped up the lushness and settled into our new home. We began our family in a home rented over the phone. The promised fenced in yard for our mammoth yellow lab was not here when we arrived. The spacious basement for entertaining looked more like a scene from Friday the 13^th. We shrugged and made it work, because the yearlong lease demanded that we do.

That was 2002.

I didn’t realize that this would be the end stop for us. I thought it one more ding on the bus ride of life and we would be transferring to another bus soon enough. Randy, a meteorologist, had visions of a bigger market, but the swishing of the stream waters as he casted his fly rod mesmerized him. I, a high school English teacher by trade and a writer by heart, wished for a place closer to family, but have created a family here.

It is 2009.

We have since moved from the rental with broken promises into a house with about as many problems, but it is ours. We love it and we just keep working on making it better. Making it ours. We have two boys now, Drew (6) and Owen (3), who knock our socks off every day with their giggles, jokes, hugs, and smiles. We still have our mammoth lab, Duncan, but he is slower these days and spends most of his time lying in the fenced in yard smelling the air, than running in it.

We are home, here in the Midwest. We are at peace in our small house, in our small town, in our southeast corner of Minnesota.Looking for inspiration for notsoshinyjules, I asked Randy what his vision was for the future. Where did he see us down the line?

“Here. Our vision is now, Julie. This is our vision, this is our future, and this is our all.”

And it is.

We are home.

Life always comes full circle

I believe that it is no small accident that my mother had three daughters and no sons. The only son she had was lost in a late term miscarriage at five months. See, it is destiny that our family curse of outspoken, headstrong women would continue. The only way to do that was for my mother to have three daughters. Surely one of us would continue the curse through our own feminine lineage. I am the youngest of that trio of headstrong offspring, and I am the only one of my mother's children to have biological children. Both of my children are daughters. As far as I can tell so far, the curse continues. Outspoken. Headstrong. Women.

Mine was an interesting family to have grown up in. My maternal lineage is entirely German American. From the Midwest. Ohio, probably by way of Pennsylvania. I'm something like five generations down from the original immigrants to the United States. My mother grew up in The Miami Valley, the only daughter of my grandmother. Her mother, my grandmother, is a woman with a flair for the eccentric and the artistic. When she was still a young mother, she agreed to leave Ohio for good when her husband, my grandfather, decided to take a permanent job at Eglin Air Force Base in Fort Walton, Florida. They never left Florida after that move. Their choice to step out of the Midwest and venture out to the south, to the tropics of Florida no less, eventually resulted in my parents meeting at Florida State and my sisters' and my childhood taking place in Fort Lauderdale.

When my sisters and I were kids, my mother spoke of the Midwest as a place with good solid family values, where children were raised correctly and there was no evil like what was around us every day in Florida. My mother is a religious conservative who was trained to be a science and math teacher. But instead of going to work every day, she was a stay at home mother. And boy, did she stay at home and mother. Anyone who knows her can tell you that she is never short on her opinions and commentary on the state of society today. From the smallest decision like how to clean the dishes to global crises like climate change to eternal dilemmas like who will go to heaven and who will go to hell, she knows the right answers, dadgummit. For the most part she was right about the evil being around us. South Florida is nothing like the Midwest. It is everything the cable media shows hype it up to be and nothing less (think Kourtney & Khloe Take Miami and Police Women of Broward County). Yet despite my mother's concerns, it was a great place to grow up. In that place of cultural collision and questionable morality, my sisters and I grew up to be individual bulwarks of our own, each clearly defining herself from the other women in the family.

When the three of us got older and starting thinking about our own adult lives and where we wanted to settle...the Midwest kept popping up. Both of my sisters went to college in Chicagoland. One still lives there. The other married a Hoosier and treks back to Fort Wayne at least twice a year. And me? Ten years ago, completely out of the blue, I decided to move to Michigan. I'd never been to Michigan in my life.

Ann Arbor seemed like a nice enough place to check out. A place I could settle down with my husband and our five-year-old daughter. Sure, he was from Texas and I was from Florida, but the Midwest was a friendly place; anyone could fit in if they tried. Besides, I had roots in the Midwest and my two sisters were in Chicago and Southbend respectively. The Midwest was a place where you could build a family and enjoy each other year round. You could run outside catching fireflies in the summer and snuggle close together watching movies and eating popcorn inside during the winter. There were plenty of places for both my husband and I to pursue our graduate studies. It seemed perfect, idyllic even. And so we made the move, both physically and in faith, to Michigan, hoping that things would turn out the wonderful way we imagined they could. In the long run, they did turn out that way, pretty much. Well, sort of. It worked out that way for me and my daughter. My (first) husband and I split after a year in Michigan. I guess I was too much of an individual for him.

Today I'm remarried and my daughter is a sophomore in high school. My (new) husband and I have been married for a bit more than four years. He's a transplant to the Midwest himself, from Brazil no less. Exactly two months ago today, after four years of trying, we welcomed our second child, another daughter, into our family. Indeed, our little family has settled into the Midwest, we enjoy the seasons together, and our life revolves around the calendar of academia.

As for the tradition/curse of my female ancestry, our family is no exception. My 15 year old daughter is unmistakably her own person. She will jump at the chance to give her own unique version of any situation. She marches to the beat of her own drummer. As her mother, it's kind of nice now that she's a teenager since I don't really have to worry about her doing things just because "everyone else is doing it." But boy, when she was a preschooler? Oh lordy. As for my younger daughter, I see this look in her eyes, this determined look like she's trying to figure out how to stand out and make her mark on the world. At two months old, she can't really make too many waves with her opinions; by the time she's two years old, however...

In this context, parenting is a trip for me, both because of my own personality and because of the demeanor of the children I am raising. (Or should it be "the children I am rearing"? I'm sure my mother knows which verb is correct. I'm sure my oldest sister does too.) There is a lot of wrangling with my emotions, with what is right and wrong or if a circumstance even has a right and wrong, and with what the point of it all really is. If I may be frank for a moment though, it's been a pretty wonderful adventure so far, warts and all. Carry on, then.

~~~ If you want to know more about me than what I've given you here, you can check out my personal blog, Comparative Childhood. It's all about me, as a parent and as a person. Parenting causes me to reflect on my own childhood. And becoming a parent to two children with 15 years in between causes me to reflect on how their childhoods compare and contrast. Thus, Comparative Childhood, get it? ~~~

What About You?

Beautiful and vibrant red, orange and yellow leaves; long walks through the cool woods; colorful mums and hot apple cider; wreaths and fall-scented candles and big orange pumpkins; apple crisp and apple pie; brisk nights and warm fires: these are but a few of the reasons fall remains my favorite season year after year. I appreciate the beauty of freshly-fallen glaringly white snow, I long for the renewal of spring and I celebrate the “woo-hoo, it’s finally here” of summer, but fall is first on my list.

What else can I tell you about me?

Here are some tidbits that are true, at this hour, on this day of this week, month, and year. As for who I am tomorrow, well, who can know? We’ll have to wait & see, won’t we? But for now, you can be sure that I:

…am a mother of three boys, and, as such, haven’t stopped moving for the past 13 years.

…have been married to my generous and merciful husband for almost 18 years. Because, you know, I was, like, 10 when we got married, right?

…cherish my friends and enjoy the camaraderie we share, particularly over a good glass of red wine or a thick, dark beer.

…still get out once a week to play in a basketball league.

…never met a beach or a palm tree I didn’t like.

…feel stunned by how quickly life has moved from a houseful full of toddlers to no toddlers at all.

…like to win. Just about anything, always. Wanna play?

…don’t like chores, but have finally perfected a chore-chart system for my kids, which I'm certain they will dismiss as soon as they walk onto a college campus.

…love to listen to my husband play the piano.

…am not giving up Diet Pepsi anytime soon.

…am not a morning person, and that’s putting it mildly. So don’t call before 8:00. You've been warned.

…didn’t like any vegetables other than corn or plain lettuce until after college.

…like snap peas, asparagus, raw spinach, and artichokes.

…am likely to be a few minutes late for our meeting.

…don’t like it if you’re a few minutes late for our meeting.

…try to be fair, but (see above) am not always just.

…used to think the dentist was fine, but now I never want to go again.

…wear glasses because after my third son was born I was just too tired to put those contacts back in.

…volunteer at my sons’ schools. All 3 of them (sons, and schools).

…love to take pictures but don’t aspire to be a photographer. I just want to capture my kids, and our family, at all of their ages and stages.

…miss my dog, Tucker, terribly. He gave us 13 ½ great years, and he was in a class by himself. We all miss him.

…like to be with friends and like to be alone with my thoughts. I find value in both.

…love to read, love to write, and love to gather with other writers to challenge each other to dig deeper, to go further, to discover more of ourselves, and to use it in our work.

…like words.

…will not give up my iPhone. Nope, sorry, it’s mine.

…love to travel and get my family out and about in the big wide world as often as I’m able.

…want to know more about you. Will you share something? How about 2-3 things that make you unique? Post them in the comments and link to your blog if you have one, so I can check it out.

Happy fall!

Kansas. It's Really Not As Bad As You've Heard.

Hi there! I'm Dawn, and I'm from Kansas. Well... that's not quite right. I've grew up in St. Louis-- went to school in Missouri, then Oregon, then met a boy that I felt the need to stalk into submission and somehow that devolved into living in...

Kansas.

But it's not as bad as you've heard. My town is actually quite hilly in parts. I've lived here nearly ten years, and I've yet to be swept away by a tornado. Our school district has one of the largest proportion of teachers with Master's degrees in the nation. And we have a nationally ranked NCAA basketball team.

But it's still in Kansas.

In a lot of ways, I am outside the norm here. I'm pretty liberal... Kansas is not. I'm pretty feminist... Kansas is not. I'm all about supporting equality. Yup, you guessed it-- Kansas is often not. Kansas is a bevy of contradictions-- one of the first states to give women the right to vote, and also the home of Fred Phelps, the jerk who picketed Matthew Shepherd's funeral. The forty-hour work week movement began here... but we still don't have a state minimum wage.

I don't believe in judging a person based on their best or worst act-- so I try to extend that philosophy to my state.

For all the cringe-worthy attention my fair state brings to itself, I love living here. I love my life in Kansas, the people I walk down the street with each day, and the life my husband and myself have built for ourselves here.

We have three kids-- Son Noise, 5 yrs, daughter Funk, 3 yrs, and son Squeak, 7 months. I worked full time until my son Squeak was born, and it became financially impossible to continue. I've been adjusting to the life of a SAHM for six months now, and it's been a heckuva ride. I don't believe it's the only way-- I'm not even sure I'd have chosen it if day care had not cost more than my salary-- but I am grateful for the opportunity just the same.

I write (albeit currently infrequently) at Growing A Pair.

I was a cheerleader in high school.

I have really bad eyesight.

I recycle.

We can figure the rest out as we go along.

Sometimes the life you get is better than the life you imagined

I was born into a military family. At the time, my father was stationed in California. He was a sailor who was away from home for months at a time on ships. We moved from California to Washington State to Governor's Island, NY before settling back in Minnesota, where my parents had both been born and raised.

Minnesota has been my home for most of my life. Most of my family, even extended family is here. Family is what keeps us here.

After high school, I spent 2 years at a local community college before transferring to what is now called Minnesota State University at Mankato. The college campus is where the Minnesota Vikings hold their training camp in the summer. I graduated with a BS in Mass Communications (public relations emphasis) and a minor in Speech Communications.

As a kid I always figured I'd be a famous movie star or singer, except you probably need to not be shy to be successful at something like that. So that didn't work out.

As a young adult I changed my vision to being a television or newspaper reporter (and a great one of course). I limited myself with options for jobs following graduation because I wanted to return home to be near my family. Communications jobs are hard to come by in a smaller city. Rochester is the kind of place that many people start in a job and stay there for the remainder of their working lives. It's tough to break in when you're just starting out.

So I found a job as a communications coordinator for a medical association. It was a job I loved, but the office politics were toxic. I left that job when the stress got to be too much and worked for less money and fewer benefits but also had few, if any, things to stress me out.

Then I got pregnant, had a baby and left the workplace.

I started blogging after following a link someone left on a BabyCenter thread. I had never read a blog before. I couldn't tell you the blog, and I wouldn't want to because I found the writing atrocious. I immediately and vainly thought that I could do it better. Cool Zebras was born.

Cool Zebras has given me, and at some extent, my extended family many joys. I've become closer to many of my relatives because they read many of my more personal thoughts that we never would have discussed in person. We’re reserved Minnesotans after all. Talk about feelings? In person? You can betcha we’ll be making excuses to leave the room.

By the time I started Cool Zebras I had two kids, Miss M and the K-Man. Miss M was born in July 2002, and the K-Man in July 2004. I wish I had a blog about them from the beginning. I love to read my own archives. Have I mentioned I’m a little vain about my writing? But the truth is I like to read about how my kids were when they were younger. They’re still young, but I like to read about the younger days and compare notes to today.

After 2 years of disappointment, in September 2007, I was elated to discover my third child was on the way. Ms. D has completed our family in so many ways.

In January 2008, I launched Midwest Parents on a whim. Things were smooth sailing for a while though we were pretty much unnoticed. Earlier this year it became clear that things weren't working the best. I decided to disband the blog.

In February 2008, I also started my etsy shop, Sentimental Journey. This shop is mostly a hobby for me, but I can admit that I get a little thrill every time I sell something I've made.

These days you can find me shuttling Miss M and K-Man back and forth to and from school and chasing Ms. D around the house picking up all the things she dumps out with such glee. She’s also a climber so I spend a lot of time getting her down from her various attempts at mountain climbing. After school, I check homework, make supper, and perhaps take the kids to swimming lessons or choir practice. The days, as it is with most parents, are hectic.

So in the evenings, I write. I write to remember these days with my kids, with my family, because these days are fleeting and I want to savor them all.

Welcome Back!

Midwest Parents feels like an old friend to me already. We’ve had our ups and downs but we’re sticking together. You know how you have some of those friends that you rarely see but can fall into the old rhythm in minutes? That’s what MP feels like to me.

We have some old friends writing for us and we have some new friends writing for us. We’ll be posting FIVE days a week. We’ll have some regular posts, familiar things like Wordless Wednesday and Foodie Friday recipes, but we’ll also roll out some new weekly features on books and tips for keeping your family happy and healthy in these busy times. Mondays will be left to the imagination of our talented contributors.

Speaking of contributors…we’ll all be posting a little about ourselves in the next few days. Come back and get to know us a little before we get set in our scheduled ways here.

We hope you’ll find our thoughts and ideas useful and that you’ll come back and visit us. I think we’ll fall back into our comfortable friendship in no time.

-Heather

A Rebirth is Coming!

If there is anyone still here...we will be returning to blogging here in October!

It will be, we hope, more consistent posting with regular topics Monday through Friday.

We hope to build this blog into a place you'll want to come for tips, ideas, friendship and more.

See you in October!