We're accompanying Hubs to a conference this week, for a family vacation. But it's hardly a vacation for me.
I am the mommy.
I do loads and loads of laundry, so everyone can have what they want on the trip. I clean the house, so we can some back to a clean space. I pack all of the suitcases. I make Walmart runs to make sure we have shoes for the beach. Sunscreen. Coloring books. I chase down boarding passes and car seat rentals. I scout out Museums and contact local relatives. I check and double check our hotel reservations.
Flying with a four year old and a two year old is its own post.
Once we arrive, I will arrange and organize and set rules and worry. We will go to the beach, where I will be too nervous to have any fun. We will hit the pool, where anxiety will make my heart beat out of my chest. There are too many sad stories out there. They are never far from my mind.
I will make Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches for the beach, and they will be sandy and gross. Fruit will dutifully pressed upon my children. Sunscreen applied, Floaties inflated over and over. Tantrums quelled. Naps forced. Grandparents visited. Hugs and kisses exchanged. I will cry, because every time I see them I wonder if it is the last time. This time, it probably will be. I have been saying that for years. But someday, I will be right.
In the evenings, we'll eat in restaraunts where my kids will behave (mostly) and we'll see Daddy for the first time of the day. He'll be eager to see it all again, do it all again, and we'll head back to the beach in suits sticky and clammy wet from earlier in the day. They might watch the sun go down. I will watch for high waves and bugs and even shark fins. As if paranoia will keep them safe.
We will do this for days, adding in a random Museum visit here and there. Each night, my kids will curl up together; content, pink and exhausted from their day. I will breathe for the first time of the day, elated that another day has passed in which I have kept them safe.
My fear is not enough to keep me from living my life. But I have not learned how to banish it.
On one hand, it is necessary. A mother bear looking after her cubs.
On the other hand, it is excessive and useless. Many of the stories of other families' tragedies are scenarios that no one in a million years could have seen happening.
But we will trudge out to the ocean, to the pool, to life each day. Because my kids will only remember the sand between their toes, the crashing sound of the waves, the days spent in the company of each other, and the good times they had. Maybe I can't stop worrying. But I want to be sure that it's my problem-- not theirs.
I hope that they will never know my worry until their own children play in the waves.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Monday, June 9, 2008
But When Mom?
If your kids are anything like mine, you get asked approximately 4382 times before an event when exactly said event is going to take place. Kids, bless their little hearts, have little to no concept of time. It makes me a bit jealous to be completely truthful. How great would it be to not care what day of the week it was or even what time it was?
When my oldest child was three, she was (and still is) a social creature. She wanted to be on the go constantly. She was seldom content to sit around the house. If I needed to do errands, I would ask her if she wanted to go shopping though, because on the days that she didn't feel like going out it was surely a disaster if I tried to force the issue.
When she was three, her little brother was just one year old and fairly portable still. When she was a baby, she balked at sitting in the 'baby' seat of the cart. My son, now nearly four, still asks occasionally to sit in the seat that he has been too big to sit in for about 2 years.
Most days, however, my daughter wanted to go out, do something, see the world and let the world see her. Even as young as 15 months, she'd grab her coat and bring it to me indicating it was time to get our butts out of the house because she was bored being with just mommy.
So, it goes without saying probably, that when there was a big outing planned for sometime in the future, that day would never arrive soon enough for Miss M. As I was trying to navigate life with two active young children I found it extremely tiresome to field my daughter's repeated questioning about when she had preschool and when she didn't or when, exactly, we would be going to her cousin's birthday party. She never asked just once, got the answer and let it go. Because she didn't understand the concept of time, telling her that the party was in three days really meant nothing to her.
One day I had a light bulb moment (as Oprah likes to say...does she still say that all the time? I haven't seen that show in ages) and decided to make M's event calendar. The calendar ended up doing double duty for us.
I marked events on the calendar by drawing representative pictures that my daughter learned to recognize stood for certain events. For example, a book meant that she had school that day, and a party hat meant that it was a birthday party day.
About that same time, we were having trouble getting Miss M into bed without a major meltdown, so, when I introduced the event calendar, I explained that each night she went to bed like a big girl (i.e. no meltdowns) she would earn a sticker on her calendar to mark the day off. If bedtime did not go well, we'd just mark the day off with a boring X.
It was a simple solution that worked remarkably well for us. She had few meltdowns because she wanted that sticker. If she asked me when we were doing something, I'd tell her to look on her calendar and she'd count the number of sleeps before the big day.
Now we have 2 calendars gracing our fridge. We don't need the stickers anymore, and most often forget to put them on at all, but it still helps the kids know what events are coming up. M rarely even asks me when we're doing things anymore. She automatically goes to the fridge to check her calendar.
When my oldest child was three, she was (and still is) a social creature. She wanted to be on the go constantly. She was seldom content to sit around the house. If I needed to do errands, I would ask her if she wanted to go shopping though, because on the days that she didn't feel like going out it was surely a disaster if I tried to force the issue.
When she was three, her little brother was just one year old and fairly portable still. When she was a baby, she balked at sitting in the 'baby' seat of the cart. My son, now nearly four, still asks occasionally to sit in the seat that he has been too big to sit in for about 2 years.
Most days, however, my daughter wanted to go out, do something, see the world and let the world see her. Even as young as 15 months, she'd grab her coat and bring it to me indicating it was time to get our butts out of the house because she was bored being with just mommy.
So, it goes without saying probably, that when there was a big outing planned for sometime in the future, that day would never arrive soon enough for Miss M. As I was trying to navigate life with two active young children I found it extremely tiresome to field my daughter's repeated questioning about when she had preschool and when she didn't or when, exactly, we would be going to her cousin's birthday party. She never asked just once, got the answer and let it go. Because she didn't understand the concept of time, telling her that the party was in three days really meant nothing to her.
One day I had a light bulb moment (as Oprah likes to say...does she still say that all the time? I haven't seen that show in ages) and decided to make M's event calendar. The calendar ended up doing double duty for us.
I marked events on the calendar by drawing representative pictures that my daughter learned to recognize stood for certain events. For example, a book meant that she had school that day, and a party hat meant that it was a birthday party day.
About that same time, we were having trouble getting Miss M into bed without a major meltdown, so, when I introduced the event calendar, I explained that each night she went to bed like a big girl (i.e. no meltdowns) she would earn a sticker on her calendar to mark the day off. If bedtime did not go well, we'd just mark the day off with a boring X.
It was a simple solution that worked remarkably well for us. She had few meltdowns because she wanted that sticker. If she asked me when we were doing something, I'd tell her to look on her calendar and she'd count the number of sleeps before the big day.
Now we have 2 calendars gracing our fridge. We don't need the stickers anymore, and most often forget to put them on at all, but it still helps the kids know what events are coming up. M rarely even asks me when we're doing things anymore. She automatically goes to the fridge to check her calendar.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Having a Field Day!
If we go back far enough, most of us can pull up a memory of Field Day. For the athletic kids, it's heaven. You remember racing and tugging and, mostly, winning. For carefree kids, the memories are pleasant. A day out of the classroom, playing with friends, no stress. Others, no doubt, remember it as the day they wished, prayed, hoped to stay home. Running, ugh. Competition, double ugh.
Field Day in our area has morphed into a day of fun, sans the "official" competition, although if kids can turn any game into winning and losing, they will. But what I saw over the past two days (two kids, two schools), was pure fun: games and snacks and lots of laughter.
Get it in the bottle!
Up the hill!
Run!
Faster!
And there’s my kid, the one who's never met a competition game he didn't like.
Happy Field Day to moms and kids everywhere. Hope yours are full of fun, too!
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Monday, June 2, 2008
memories
I have always enjoyed looking through old pictures, and I feel that alot of my childhood memories are tied to those pictures. My Mom (though I love her like crazy) was not the best at taking pictures, or organizing the ones we had. There was a large drawer in one of her antique chests, and that was where the pictures were. I could sit for hours going through them, and I still do, although I have looked through them all a million time already.
I have had those pictures here with me for about 5 years with plans to organize them for my Mom, for me, and for my kids. I'd love for them to be able to sit down with an album and just see the progression of me growing up, and see what a wonderful childhood I had. Organizing them takes time though, and that seems to be one thing I just do not have alot of *sigh*
The way my Mom had our pictures "organized" must have bothered me, because when I had my first child, the pictures were in a album before I left the hospital, seriously. I had been given a small album that matched my baby book (I know you all know how planning for a first baby is, LOL) and someone had taken my roll of film to Walmart for one hour developing. I kept this up for about 3-4 years, and two children. Each roll of film was developed and placed in an album accordingly. I even went as far as sticking little number labels on the ends (a trick I learned from my very organized MIL) so that you would know which album to look through first.
I am laughing at myself as I type.
Enter digital cameras. I take so many pictures now with my digital camera, I would go broke trying to print them all. Since Zander arrived (summer 2004) I've had prints made a few times from online. He has part of an album full of pictures of me before he arrived, and some from the hospital in it. Ava does not have any albums, yet. I do have the pictures on CD and I wonder what the future will be like. Will the kids just pop in a CD to see their childhood pictures?
Each of my children do have pregnancy journals, and VERY FULL baby books, both of which I have put pictures in. I also scrapbook if/when I get time, so there are some things for them to look back on. I keep nearly everything from school, but have started to slow down on that now that they are getting older, and because I have four kids. Eventually my house would be over run with school papers :)
My point is, I always thought I would do a better job at keeping our memories together and organized. Turns out, I'm not. There are things all over my house, and if I were gone tomorrow, I'm not sure anyone could put all of the pieces together. I am wondering if there is an easier way, a better way. Am I trying too hard? Was my Mom's drawer the perfect answer? Have digital cameras ruined my chances of ever keeping things printed and together?
What do YOU do with your kids pictures/memories?
I have had those pictures here with me for about 5 years with plans to organize them for my Mom, for me, and for my kids. I'd love for them to be able to sit down with an album and just see the progression of me growing up, and see what a wonderful childhood I had. Organizing them takes time though, and that seems to be one thing I just do not have alot of *sigh*
The way my Mom had our pictures "organized" must have bothered me, because when I had my first child, the pictures were in a album before I left the hospital, seriously. I had been given a small album that matched my baby book (I know you all know how planning for a first baby is, LOL) and someone had taken my roll of film to Walmart for one hour developing. I kept this up for about 3-4 years, and two children. Each roll of film was developed and placed in an album accordingly. I even went as far as sticking little number labels on the ends (a trick I learned from my very organized MIL) so that you would know which album to look through first.
I am laughing at myself as I type.
Enter digital cameras. I take so many pictures now with my digital camera, I would go broke trying to print them all. Since Zander arrived (summer 2004) I've had prints made a few times from online. He has part of an album full of pictures of me before he arrived, and some from the hospital in it. Ava does not have any albums, yet. I do have the pictures on CD and I wonder what the future will be like. Will the kids just pop in a CD to see their childhood pictures?
Each of my children do have pregnancy journals, and VERY FULL baby books, both of which I have put pictures in. I also scrapbook if/when I get time, so there are some things for them to look back on. I keep nearly everything from school, but have started to slow down on that now that they are getting older, and because I have four kids. Eventually my house would be over run with school papers :)
My point is, I always thought I would do a better job at keeping our memories together and organized. Turns out, I'm not. There are things all over my house, and if I were gone tomorrow, I'm not sure anyone could put all of the pieces together. I am wondering if there is an easier way, a better way. Am I trying too hard? Was my Mom's drawer the perfect answer? Have digital cameras ruined my chances of ever keeping things printed and together?
What do YOU do with your kids pictures/memories?
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
A PIllar of Motherhood
Chinese Police Officer Jiang Xiaojuan would be embarssed to read this post, because in her words she says, "I think what I did was normal," she said. "In a quake zone, many people do things for others. This was a small thing, not worth mentioning," according to her interview with CNN. So, I'll try not to make such a big fuss.
Still, there's something about this photo
that shows the power of Motherhood.
She has fed nine babies so far; five were orphans, four had Mother's who were too injured to nurse. Xiaojuan has a six-month baby of her own that she cannot nurse, as the child is staying with her relatives while she works in this disaster zone of the earthquake that has killed more than 51,000, with more than 29,000 people missing, according to government figures.
The media has fallen in love with Xiaojuan for her efforts. The pictures and video of her caring for these infants brings an image of peace and assurance that lies in direct contrast to much of the suffering that is the reality for so many people. I won't even touch the whole "Facebook banning breastfeeding photos," here or airline carriers who order people off planes because they nurse. This photo is simply beautiful, and a glowing testament to the power of love.
Still, there's something about this photo
that shows the power of Motherhood.
She has fed nine babies so far; five were orphans, four had Mother's who were too injured to nurse. Xiaojuan has a six-month baby of her own that she cannot nurse, as the child is staying with her relatives while she works in this disaster zone of the earthquake that has killed more than 51,000, with more than 29,000 people missing, according to government figures.
The media has fallen in love with Xiaojuan for her efforts. The pictures and video of her caring for these infants brings an image of peace and assurance that lies in direct contrast to much of the suffering that is the reality for so many people. I won't even touch the whole "Facebook banning breastfeeding photos," here or airline carriers who order people off planes because they nurse. This photo is simply beautiful, and a glowing testament to the power of love.
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